Growing older is great. You start to command authority from young people. You can run for Senate without being mocked for your youth. You did not die young. So I’m not down on age, but I do want to look “good for my age” – and that means “not older than.” The right clothes can keep you from looking frumpy and even take about five years off. But be careful aiming lower than that, because trying too hard backfires. It’s easy to spot when other women make this mistake, but it’s a trap any of us can fall into. It’s the same trap that seduced Ponce de Leon to his death by the poisoned arrow of the Calusa in his search for the Fountain of Youth. And it can seduce any of us into looking desperate and . . . middle-aged.
This is a reason for anyone over 30 to avoid the Juniors Department, or any stores for teens (you can tell by the odd-number sizing).* I am often tempted: the clothes are cheaper. They look cute on the hanger and they carry an imprimatur of “current fashion” (teenagers wear them!) It’s a risky shortcut: the clothes are cheaply made and too trendy to stay in style for long. They’re cut for young women with immature hips, so the pants don’t fit and the skirts end up short in back. The tops tend to be tight or don’t have room for real bra straps, you will be annoyed because the XL is too small for you, and you risk showing too much boob. Not in a cute way. In a Blanche Devereaux kind of way.
And don’t think you’re better off shopping in the men’s department. A Tomboy Teen look (baggy jeans, old tennies, logo T’s) doesn’t do a woman any favors, either.
If you gravitate toward teen clothes, figure out why and go find those elements in age-appropriate fashions. If you crave a bargain, do some research and wait for a sale. It’s actually easier to focus on shopping when you’re not distracted by the nagging thought that the Fountain of Youth is right around the corner in the Brass Plum.
I’m sure not everyone agrees, but I will argue for avoiding these if you are over 35 (this includes “Looking good for 36 = 36-5= 31”)
- Mini-skirts
- Spaghetti straps and tube tops (you probably need a supportive bra)
- Slogans on your shirts
- Words on the seat of your pants
- Actually NO ONE should wear words on the seat of their pants
- Ripped jeans
- Pants with a rise so low in front that you must give specific waxing instructions
- Your boyfriend’s sweater on purpose (not just if you get stuck somewhere cold — I won’t deny the timeless romance of that).
- Platform shoes
- Cleavage that exposes actual sides of actual breast
After thirty, it’s time for classy, it’s time for chic (yes even in jeans and yes even on a budget). It’s time for elegant and confident. It is time to find your personal style. It is not time for what dmama calls “hootchie cougar.”
*And I can only quote from Nora Ephron: “If anyone young is reading this, go right this minute, put on a bikini, and don’t take it off until you’re thirty-four.” Also, never show your bra straps. Also, Sunscreen!
we are in sync! i was just marveling at the “i give up” look of some of the older women i’ve seen out there. there must be a way to do it without looking like patricia field (or lwaxana troi!) or the grandma’s cookie logo. will post pictures soon. i also have thoughts about minis on youth… though i guess it really depends on the length of the mini.
YES. I am also working on my “Don’t just opt out because you’re not as young as you used to be” thoughts.
Really I think most of my list is bad for young women too. Miniskirts still look kind of desperate, it’s just that they’re desperate in a cute way? Like “oops I just grew two more inches and my skirt is too short, giggle!” After a certain age, you can’t pretend not to notice anymore.
D’mom used to make me laugh with her complaints about the sweaters worn by women she worked with.
What about spaghetti straps on a well-fitted sundress, on a really hot day? 🙂
Raisa — can you define what you mean by miniskirt? I think I understand your spaghetti vs fettucine strap distinction. I’m still not sure I agree, though. There are lots of considerations besides age: figure, seeming age, location, occasion, season, time of day, rest of outfit, confidence level, accessories.
My thoughts are:
-If it’s a really hot day and you’re doing some “hot day activity” where you’d otherwise wear a swimsuit, then beach clothes can be as strappy as you want.
-BUT everyone needs to wear their own best bra. If strap-thinness is compromising your bra, go for wider straps.
-Defn Miniskirt: Fingertip-length, if you are standing up straight with your hands at your sides. JvA can you see the Aniston picture in the post above? That is too short. A sexy and leggy look is great, expose a few inches above the knee, etc. But not an ass-hanging-out mini.
-I’ll stand by my formula that “seeming age” seldom goes 5 years below chronological age.
-I agree with your list of considerations to add into appropriate attire for sure. I was going to say “Of course there’s a Red Carpet Exception” which is a good example of context/confidence making a diff. But you know, even at the Oscars, I think women over 40 just outright look better wearing thicker straps. I still think my original point (which is fairly narrow) stands: wearing certain elements after a certain age makes you look older instead of younger.
I guess. But somehow I still want to cheer for beautiful women in their 40s who refuse to go gently into that good night. Here’s Mary-Louise Parker/Nancy Botwin breaking most of those rules except for writing and rips.
(Most women couldn’t pull these looks off, though.)
And I agree with you that logo Ts and torn jeans aren’t usually attractive, but I think that holds true for all adult ages (and both sexes) pretty much equally.
More posts, please!