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Archive for February, 2011

Winterized Sundress

 
 
 
Milli Vanilli Chilly Willy

Boden short-sleeved jersey dress (Blueberry Batik) with burgundy cardigan, rust-brown tights, black boots, forest green handbag with braided handle

 
 
No, I am not posting just because Aki did. I am posting because I liked my outfit last week! What’s up is, I am not shopping much these days: it’s winter, and I’m being crazy frugal. This makes me crazy boring, unless you think it’s fascinating when people repurpose leftovers into fried rice for dinner and buy cheap beer at Trader Joes.  Which, wait, is this also why my clothes don’t fit? Let’s not go there.
 
So I’m not burning through Nordstrom sales like a caffeine-crazed Marie Antoinette.  I did buy a solid pair of black Aerosole boots to replace my previous ones, which lasted about 18 months.  I also got a dark green handbag with a braided handle, which is a total $29.99 knock-off but I luv it and I LOVE that color dark green.  Thankfully, 2009 Robin stocked up on a bunch of good work clothes, leaving me some good solid pieces to work with (btw if you see 2009 Robin will you tell her to withhold more taxes and cut the cell phone bill?)  I can be pretty tenacious with a good pair of wool pants and a cardigan, like I can wear them three days a week if I have to.  I try to mix up scarves and necklaces, wear colored shoes as long as it’s not totally swamped with rain outside, and smile a lot to trick people into thinking I’m cute.
 
And finally I tried winterizing a sundress.  I should’ve done this sooner because it was pretty fun. This is the blueberry batik print I got from Boden last summer.  It’s loose and forgiving, lots of colors in the print so it was easy to find pieces that worked with it. I wear this burgundy cardigan three days a week.  The rust-colored tights aren’t exactly the same color but somehow I think that made it even better.  Black boots — yes I know I KNOW I hate black but listen, I’m made of flesh and blood like any woman. And this is what I wear when it rains. 

Same dress on beach in summer, San Diego. Wait, it was pretty cold then, too.

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The other day, a friend reminded me that I had a blog. Also the other day, I noticed that all my pants had shrunk. There is nothing I hate more than jeans hunting. Don’t get me wrong. I love buying them. I just don’t like looking for them. And who wants to go up a size, especially if that takes you into the one more digit territory?

 

this is hugh jackman and his dog mochi and it has nothing to with my pants situation

So, with money burning a hole in my pocketses I bravely decided to wade into the ambiguous S-M-L land of elastic waisted comfy pants. U-Village was my destination, because somehow that made it less terrible that I had finally completely given up on myself.

First stop was lululemon. I hate lululemon. That’s not true. I hate the lululemon culture. Everyone, I mean *everyone* is wearing lululemon and if you’re wearing lululemon everyone knows it because the logo is everywhere. I neuharthed lululemon. Also, they are stupid expensive. They are so dumb. But the lemming-follower in me needed to try on their pants, you understand. The first shopgirly girl who approached me suggested that I try their most popular styles “the groove” and “the astro pant” (see, doesn’t that already make you want to hate them?). I tried them on. They were too tight and I looked gross. I tried to slink quickly out of the dressing room undetected but the dressing room girl stopped me and asked me why I was running away. I told her I wasn’t running away from her but from myself and sputtered something about camels and their toes. She started demanding more answers and before I knew it I was back in the dressing room trying on the “relaxed fit” pant. And to my utter astonishment it fit! It fit and it looked good. She even told me my butt looked awesome! They hem for free! Lifetime hemming! They’ll change it into capris or shorts when the hem gets worn! My butt looks good! Hey did I just spend $98 on yoga pants? What the hey!

 

i forgot to take a picture in the dressing room because i wasn’t thinking about the blog then. i just googled “lululemon relaxed fit pant” and this came up. let’s pretend this is my butt.

You would think I’d be done now. No. The hemming of the pant takes a week. Walking out of the store without an actual product does not give me a high. I’m always chasing that next high. Also, I had that wad of cash in my pocket, remember? And throwing money around makes me feel powerful and in control. Jonesing for that rush, I headed over to Lucy. By now I’d figured out how to talk intelligently with shop persons. I asked specific questions, pointed at my crotch, and the girl handed me a couple of pairs of their “vital pant” in varying sizes. Bam! Thanks to vanity sizing I was a SMALL and my butt looked good. I’ll take it! I’ll take two! Oh, $79 you say? Then I’ll take one! And the good news is that there are now enough short people in the world to warrant pants to be manufactured in shorter hem lengths and even though I am 3’9″ I didn’t even need to hem these. POW!

 

i bought these pants. and the “propel” tank too. it’s very flattering. my original plan was to mess with the aspects of this photo to make me look slimmer but i’m actually totally ok how i look here. and isn’t that the point?

and you know what? i bought this shirt too. the giant cowl turns into a hood if you want. it totally distracts the eyes away from the 7 layer gut.

That was fun. But I learned something too. It’s true that you really do have to try things on even if you think you know everything and you think salespeople serve no purpose. Some of them do actually know a heck of a lot more than you do and they look at customer butts all day long. They are experts. You don’t need to be embarrassed or self-conscious about your body. They can steer you in the right direction. It’s also true that lots of store associates are 25 years younger than you and don’t know crap but they’re not all like that. So, you know, give stuff a chance.

The other point is that if I’m going to be wearing more of these all black pants now I have to be even more careful than before to not sink into the Snape trap. My hair already looks like Snape. I don’t need to go ALL Snape. More color accents. Less Slytherin.

Lastly, no, I’m not going to wear my yoga pants for any exercising at all. You knew that. You totes knew that.

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