Checking In

If we go to a cage fighting bar you might be able to pick this guy up.

Hi all, I’m still alive. I’m just busy and lazy. I’m feeling a kind of general blah doldrums and am also in a clo rut. I’ve been dreaming of track suits and Spanx lately. I’m also on a purge cycle and not doing any acquiring so I don’t have much to report on that front. My favorite activity these days consist of staring in the mirror and plucking out my grays. My record so far is an hour. It’s really meditative and addicting but maybe a little bit disturbing too. But it’ll pass, I promise. Until then I thought I’d post about a couple of things that are coming up (I don’t speak for Robin of course. I’m sure her mind is active and she will be posting about interesting topics!).

I wonder if they have the top one in fuschia.

First is the Fabulous Ladies Night. We’ve been talking about Fabulous Party forever and have never actually done it. It’s because none of us want to take the initiative to host it. So instead, we thought we’d make a Fabulous Outing. My friend L is currently scheming to put together a group and date to go out one night. We think it will consist of art, drinking, dancing and getting picked up by cute guys. If you are interested in attending please let us know. The only requirement is that you wear at least one fabulous item. The idea is to channel the inner flamboyant you. I for one plan to wear fake eyelashes. We’ll all have a good time and laugh at people and post pictures later.

Also, we’d like people to know that we welcome guest contributors. I’m currently in the process of convincing my lovely friend C to post a piece on power clothes. If you are interested please do not hesitate to contact us.

Lastly, at the end of February L and I are taking a trip to Vegas. If I haven’t come up with things to talk about here by then I’ll surely have outrageous fashions to report from there.

Recap… Wait, Nevermind

You think I am kidding but no, I would really wear this.

Happy new year, friends, followers, colleagues!

Now I know we’ve entered the latter half of January already and I’ve posted 2 entries this year but I’ve felt that I had to somehow acknowledge the passage of 2009 and the beginning of the new year by a punctuating post that summarized my lessons and victories from last year like Robin did. Because I am her Yang and I am her Robin. I mean, Batman. We complement and mirror each other here, that’s our schtick. So I thought I would come up with some nice witty smart account of what a fashion filled jolly good year I had.

I kept starting a new post and then kept going back and editing and rewriting and deleting. Why? Because my year wasn’t all nicely summarizeable with bullet points. I wanted to say, “Here’s what I learned, la!” but I would feel like a total fraud. Truth is, I got shoppy happy a lot last year and made many mistakes. Some are funny, some embarrassing but mostly they are all depressing me. It bums me out, man. I’ve had some great buys that I feel super duper happy about (my Merrell and Keen boots, my 4 pairs of striped Smartwool socks!) but I keep thinking about the clothing I dumped off at the consignment store and the Goodwill last week too.

These? These will always make me happy.

Another reason why I haven’t been able to sit down and give this blog some of my attention was because I’ve been doing some cleaning and sorting of my old belongings in the basement. Namely, my diaries and journals and angsty youth stuff. And you know what I found? Ever since around 1983, all I’ve talked about without fail, at the end and start of every single year was how I was “going to get pretty” or “dress in cooler clothes” or “lose weight.” Seriously. For the past 25 years I’ve been determined to do these 3 things every single year. Really. I am so shallow. It got me thinking though, I don’t think that there really is ever going to be a point where I think, “I’m done. I’m as pretty, thin and fashionable as I’m ever going to be!”

What’s more, my definition of “pretty” and “cool” and “thin” changes all the time! As I spiral down through memory lane, I find old pictures of myself or records of my weight fluctuations and think now that I was really pretty fit and cute in 1990. Or 1987. Or 1995. I mean, sheesh. What is 1984 Aki talking about? She has gorgeous hair. 1993 Aki has awesome legs. And you know in a few years 2014 Aki is going to look back and think 2009 Aki is a fool because she is just perfect the way she is.

The bathroom mirror in Ikea's red parking lot is a skinny mirror. Check me out.

So… This year OF COURSE my goal is to look pretty and feel good but I also realize that I’ll always be making both good and stupid wardrobe purchases and choices. I’m never going to get this clothing thing all figured out because my tastes change, my body will change, trends will change. I think this year I’ll go easier on myself in that regard. Not to try too hard. Set the bar low so I don’t disappoint myself like I do every year. I mean it’s always good to strive for excellence. But aren’t I pretty damn excellent right now too?

Style without labels

J's look: Praga patchwork skirt by Free People, with interesting detail.

One of our regular blog contributors is wearing this Free People Skirt today (I think it’s this one). She is very tall, funky and fabulous, and also she works in a kind of artsy/techno job, so I think this might be the perfect skirt.  But she wonders if it’s “too Boho.” Well, I don’t know. (I do know that on me, this skirt would be too, “My Mom’s Gypsy Costume she wore for every Halloween the 1980’s.”)  My friend J is NOT “a Boho person,” she is an edgy, hip person who used to live in Prague for real.

This reminds me that adjectives are useful for describing things (Does the skirt belong to the category identified as “Boho.”) Adjectives are less useful for describing people (is this person Boho or not?)  Labelling people hinders them.

So I generally resist the shortcut, “I’m not the kind of person who ___,” or “I’m more of a ____ girl.”

Labels are categories.  Categories are useful when we need to quickly sort ideas or things.  But people are not ideas or things.  Categories taunt us: What to include? What to exclude? 
It’s big issue with moms.  Are you a working mom or a stay-at-home-mom? Are you granola or crunchy? Are you hip or funky? Moms are an exhausted, isolated, brilliant and busy bunch of women.  We crave definition and connection.  This sucks us into categories, fast.  And labels like “attachment parenting” (for instance), while useful in gathering and sorting ideas –hinder us  when we begin to agonize over whether we want to take on the label of “An Attachment Parent,” or whether a certain parenting choice is “AP.” At best we distract ourselves with mind games about who is in, and who is out.  At worst, we condemn and ostracize each other – and ourselves.

Of course we can (and should) judge what we see of a decision — of an idea, a look, a statement, a skirt. We just can’t judge the entire of a human person.  (When we do start to judge a person — as judges, as juries –we are careful about what we can consider — Race? Reputation? Gossip? Appearance? – and what we must ignore). In daily life, putting people into categories (are they good or bad? Cool or weird? My kind of friend — or not?) is a waste of time — and a dangerous one.  And the worst person to label is ourselves: Is this dress ME?  I’m not a BOOTS KIND OF GIRL. If I wore that I’d look like A SLUT.

Judging ourselves is a way to grab at masks, instead of accepting the complexity and dynamism of our authentic selves.  It limits our potential. It sets ourselves up for failure. 

My look: Sofft pumps, with interesting detail.

My challenge then is to judge and describe things – the clothes, the awesome Chevron stripes, the texture and the shape. And not to judge and describe people.  Things — especally clothes, especially style — need to work FOR us. They don’t define us.  They can’t exclude us.

And I’m saying all this because I want to say: I’m not much of a Gypsy Skirt kind of girl.  I’m more of a “interesting black pump” (what I have on today) kind of girl.  And that makes me feel a little stodgy and boring next to friend J.

But I’m challenging myself to express this without self-labelling.  I’ll let you know when I succeed. 

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What Not To Wear 2010!

Courtney is lovely, serious person with substantial dignity, a respectable job, and a family that loves her. I'm saying this because her clothes are not saying this, and I want you to know.

Best thing about a new year: What Not to Wear is Back!  Last Friday on TLC, Stacey and Clinton worked with lovely Courtney. Courtney recently lost a lot of weight (like 170 pounds) so she’s been struggling to find her new self.

Like many women on the show, Courtney had two looks: schlumpy and sexed-up.  For work she wore turtlenecks in bland colors (Robin v. 2003!) Otherwise she wore sweats and slippers . . .  except when she went out for the evening.  See left.  What’s the word for this? I don’t do “slutty.”  

It happens often on WNTW – one woman, two costumes: bare it all vs. cover it up.  Do we go between extremes when we have no idea who we are?  Like each outfit is a put-on, and no clothes are really you.

That’s why it’s always such a revelation for a WNTW participant to look in the 360-degree mirror.  It’s always painful, but so helpful, to force someone to behold themselves objectively. It’s so easy to stop seeing how we really look – I know I tend to lower my standards, day by day, comparing myself to a baseline of “Robin-normal.” My turtleneck isn’t too wrinkled and my pants fit okay! Never mind that it’s a dumb turtleneck and lame color pants.  If I want to look my best I have to get over “not bad – for ME” or “as good as I’m going to get.”

Courtney reconsiders "Casual."

So I try to think how it would look on a stranger walking down the street, and aspire to dress like we actually WANT to look. It’s where dressing well is like cooking well: It’s not enough to throw it together and live with the results. If you want your food to taste its best, taste as you go. Think about what flavors you want. Add them.  Critique.  Reflect.
What I learn from Courtney: Attitude

-Clothes have always been impossible to buy because of [insert obstacle here: budget/weight/kids"].  Now that you’re not [whatever] anymore, it’s STILL hard.  This is because it’s about your attitude and expectations, not just your body/budget/job.  Courtney said it’s as hard to shop at a Size 12-16 as it was when she was size 28.  

-Classy is more attractive than revealing. Always.-The invisible thing. Baggy, schlumpy clothes make NO ONE invisible. They make them look like a big slob. If you don’t want to stand out, blend in – by wearing something well-fitting, in style and low-key. 

 

 

What Courtney looks like, herself: Sharp, classy, cute.

What I learned from Courtney: Fashion.

-Turtlenecks don’t elongate the neck. They scrunch it up. 

-Pants are the hardest item to fit well. There are so many measurements, almost no one fits perfectly off the rack. Skirts are more forgiving (remember Dustin Hoffman as Tootsie? “I can’t wear pants. I’m much too hippy.”)

-Must you wear sweats? If so, why can’t they be sweats that fit?  

 -It’s normal to need clothes in different sizes on bottom and top – even from different departments (plus size on bottom, women’s on top)  

-Gorgeous interesting dark neutrals – gold and green with beautiful texture – wow!  

So, I hope everyone saw Courtney.  If you missed Friday’s episode, check out Episode Guide with lots more great information TLC’s new “shopping list” feature is an awesome reference point for what a great wardrobe includes.  And most of the items are under $100.  

Left: Lady gave up on looking good. Right: Lady reborn and looking great.

Old Four Eyes

(This post is dedicated to my friend Rooibos whose taste in eyewear I greatly esteem)

Have we talked glasses yet? I’m surprised we haven’t because it’s such a big part of my look. I thought I had finally figured it out and perfected it so I guess I took it for granted. That is, until now. Last night my almost 2 year old monkey found my favorite pair of Lulu Guiness glasses and warped them and broke the nose thing. HORREUR!  I might be able to get it repaired. But for now, I’m wearing my old second favorite pair. So. Let us travel down memory lane in reverse order…

My favorite pair: Lulu Guiness purchased at 5th Ave Optical downtown the day I went to the Bridal Show at the Convention Center with nutmeg, Jan 06. See the details I remember? It was about half off and around $200. It was a steal.

The next recent ones were the Pro-Design red cateyes. They were $$$. Loved them. However, the jointy thingy is loose. Probably could be fixed. Still love it. And yes, I know I look like Snape.

Before that were these rectangular ones I bought at Hub Optix in Pioneer Place down in PDX from a guy named Sam. My memory is elephant like. Still love them so I am wearing them now on account of the loose jointy thing on the red cateyes.

Here's where it gets hazy. This is my driver's license photo from 2000. I was wearing these Harry Potter glasses, which I've since gotten rid of.

This has to be 1999 because my niece is a baby. These were my Calvin Klein tortoise shells with green accents, plastic. I got them at the Bon eye place.

This is from when I used to be a greasy haired salary man in Japan.

From my poetry reading art house cafe days.

So. My next glasses. Since I haven’t bought any in 4 years do I go splurge and buy a super nice ones (Not that the ones before weren’t super nice because boy were they expensive)? Or since I know my kid will probably destroy them again get cheapo ones at Target? What to do, what to do…

Wednesday Survey: Three words for 2010

Gratitude, elegance, warmth

I’m not much for resolutions, but every January tempts me to bring my life back into focus.  A friend suggested picking three “New Year’s Words” to describe what you wish for yourself — for your life — and focus on what you might aspire to.

The words can answer a question or they can just stand alone, embodying your values and hopes for yourself (they don’t have to be adjectives): 

I want 2010 to be . . . 

 This year I’m going to be . . . 

 I want more …. in my life 

 Ideas? Anyone? 

For inspiration: 

luminous, gracious, vitality

Joyful, vivid, authentic

 

Relaxed, cool, laid-back, popcorn-eating

I can haz more socks

Hi. Are you sick and tired of me and my Smartwool socks? Well I just got another pair yesterday.

Don’t worry, I’m preparing a slightly meatier post about mistakes of 2009. If Robin can do it, I can too.

Stay tuned.

Backy[c]ardigans

Perfect cardigan from Autumn Cashmere, $385.

  

Part of my winterizing plan is “cardigans over cute summer tops.”  I tried this today without much success.  The sweater I want is slightly long, textured but not bulky, warm and nicely cut.  I saw the perfect one in the January InStyle (Instant Style “Everyday denim,” page 66, photo at right).     

Since I’m not spending any money on clothes right now, and no amount of ingenuity can pretend that $385 is “not any” money, I’m trying to improvise. What I’ve got to work with:    

Jewel-neck cashmere cardigan, Macy's Charter Club 2004

  

Rib cuff and waist v-neck cardigan from hanna anderssen. Nice shoulder shirring. Light color is difficult to layer and it's too fitted to wear over some things.

  

Gray sweater that I like a lot. Not with this. The a-line works best with a very narrow bottom.

  

From the Gap. This is what I wore today to Target. Instead of pajamas.

 

 So, not great.  Maybe I will give up on this idea and stick with my brown turtleneck? Although I love this top underneath, love to layer this time of year to be sure I can stay comfortable.

Monday Survey: Crocs Spokesperson?

Say what you want about Crocs; I’m not a fan, in part because I hate for my feet to look fat.  But if some of you love them, so be it.   I am a fan of cooking entertainment, to the extent that it often distracts me from my late-evening blog duties.  Food is my passion, and it’s one reason my pants don’t fit, and for that reason I’ve resisted too much food/clothing blog crossover.  But Iron Chef America, Super Chef Battle :

Iron Chef Bobby Flay, White house Chef Cristeta Comerford, Alton Brown, First Lady Michelle Obama J.D., Iron Chef Mario Batali, Emeril Lagasse

When I saw Mario Batali cross the White House lawn in an apron and orange Crocs, I thought, “were the Chefs really surprised that the Chairman arranged a surprise meeting with Michelle Obama? I thought that part of the show was fiction.”  (I also thought “PANTSS??!” Because an apron over shorts, people, is not good television.)  I noticed Batali looked a tad chagrined upon meeting the First Lady and her fabulousness.  Bobby Flay wore nattily shined shoes and Alton Brown had a tie on.  So WTF, Batali? You are at the White. House. Why NOT Get Dressed?

It turns out that Batali is the Crocs Spokesperson .  Yes, he is paid to wear Crocs everywhere he goes (actually I’m just assuming he’s paid. Could he do it just for the free Crocs?)  So I have to ask, for all you Croc-lovers out there:

1. What’s your price? To wear Crocs everywhere — the Red Carpet! The White house!

How much money would you require to be the Crocs Spokesperson? Or would you live life with these things glued to your feet for free? Is this a ridiculous question?  And if so, why would we refuse to wear Crocs (without pants!) to the White house but we happily run to the Costco in pajama bottoms? I need to know this.

And keep in mind what the Fug Girls said about Batali:

DUDE I don’t care if he thinks they’re his signature in the kitchen. He is not IN the kitchen. He is at a premiere, and Sandra Bullock is in a GOWN, and he’s wearing a fleece, shorts, and filthy rubber clogs, like he just managed to squeeze in his paper route between the lunch service and the event start time.

http://gofugyourself.celebuzz.com/2006/10/fugio_batali.html

If you are not a Crocs-person, and there is not enough money in the world for you to consider this,you can answer the alternate question (Submitted by DJM):

2. Do you think Michelle Obama was trying to match Batali’s orange Crocs? Because Batali always wears orange.  She can wear anything.

2009 recap, or, “I’m broke and my clothes don’t fit.”

Eddie Bauer embroidered tank with elastic empire waist, $19.99

Okay not literally broke.* But after the holidays, nothing fits. I don’t like my clothes and I refuse to dig myself out of this hole by shopping; I’m on “max conserve” (tm Terri’s Dad). Max conserve means, when I ask myself “hmm should I buy this?” the answer is always, “no.” No shoppy.

So I’m “shopping my closet” to put good outfits together. Not easy when I also need to winterize (and waterproof) a wardrobe I bought in the summer.  But I refuse to give up and wear pajamas to the Costco. Even during the “dead week” between Christmas and New Years (when we all pretend we’re “hanging at home,” but really we’re all at Costco, and apparently it’s America’s Great Past-time to observe this paradox by wearing pajamas to the store).  I am not giving up.

Where this leaves me: Instead of daydreaming about purchases, I’m forced to reckon with all the clothes I bought in 2009.   Some pieces I am SO grateful to have.   Others, I can’t look at without cringing. The money I flushed down the drain by making bad purchases! Yuck.  

So for blog edification, here are the best and worst of 2009: 

Rocking the Look. Me in raspberry cardigan sweater with metal necklace and denim skirt. J with similar outfit concept but awesomely hipped-up (or maybe I'm hipped-down?)

 
So happy I found you . . . Best Purchases of 2009:  

1. Costco camisoles in fresh colors. My favorite is a color I call “Michelle Obama’s Inauguration Glove Green.”  Green is way out of my comfort zone, but it is so cool and current.  Camis are sure to add texture and depth, smooth me out and bring it all together, and ensure that no one sees down my shirt.  

2. Funky metal necklaces. Necklaces are an instant upgrade, no matter the weather.  Metal goes with any color and any style. Yay necklaces!  

3. Raspberry-red cardigan with ribbon tie. This is a beautiful color and works with jeans, skirts or suit separates. Nordstrom Point of View FTW.  

4. Eddie Bauer embroidered cotton tops. Deep colors, quality detail, flattering fit. I’m wearing these under sweaters instead of tee-shirts. I love how they hang nicely with less cling than knits. And they don’t need to be ironed (okay, ironing would help, but I don’t mind the crinkly look).  

5. Cole Haan Carma Tortoiseshell open-toe pumps. I will not say I’d marry these shoes.  But if they needed me to quit my job and move across the country for them? I’d consider it. On cold (dry) winter days, they are awesome with black tights.  

What I regret buying. . . Worst Mistakes of 2009:  

2010: No Target! No Juniors Department! No impulse buys!

1. Cheap Cotton Target Skirt.
I knew this was a mistake when I bought it. Didn’t we all?  

2. Awful Fred Meyer “Scribbles of Fug” Print Dress.I humbled myself to admit I bought this in the panic of our big heatwave. I was able to return it (without the receipt even), so it wasn’t a total bomb. Let us not forget: Bad color, unflattering print.  And no DROP WAIST on any fruits with heaviness in the middle or hip. Honestly, Robin.  

3. Pink patent leather open-toe espadrilles, 4″ heels. These pushed me out of my comfort zone in too many directions at once. Too high, too flashy, too trendy, too uncomfortable. . . As a rule, I will be open minded about a cute shoe with one of these issues, but this was too many. Didn’t wear them.  

4. Ann Taylor Loft spaghetti-strap knit dress. Even over a swimsuit, the s-straps don’t work. Maybe a teenager could do it with a strapless suit (??) or braless, but why would a teenager be shopping at ATL? Grown women need support. Speaking of support:  

5. Bras without trying them on. No, you don’t get a photo. Don’t do this, dudes.  I tried to regift.  I know.

So here’s to a great 2009 of searching for our style, and here’s to a fabulous 2010. Whether your challege (we all have them) is body type, budget or your attitude (you know who you are), we will all figure it out and all look great together.  Don’t give up! And I won’t either. 

 

*You know you complain too much about money if your five-your-old offers you his tooth fairy quarters “to share with Mommy, next time she says something is too expensive!”

Also he thinks hot dogs come from the “meat of a dog’s tail, when you cut it off and cook it until it’s rubber.”

Aren’t kids cute?